Last week our story ended with Nathan in bed, he could not walk, and through somatic practices and looking inward he found insight into patterns of his physiology and beliefs he held. So, now what do I do about it? Nathan asked? Join Nathan and Brian in their next conversation as they explore what happened next and what there was to do.

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Listen to our conversation here:

So What Do I Do About It?

Brian: Okay. Emotional suppression is not okay and conflict is not good and not acceptable. So we turn towards these core centering practices. Do you remember doing some somatic practices and experiencing relief, even though you were still in bed with pain?

Nathan: Definitely. The story we were talking about last time with my brother Dakin is such a great example. Immediately before the conversation between Dakin and Racey, I had been doing my practice, which was usually two times a day. I would now call it body scan meditation with some breathwork. You gave me an exercise around what is pain, and what does it feel like? During the body scan I would focus on where the pain is exactly and what does it feel like? 

So I'd play this game of where is it in my back and what does it feel like? And then the sensations would move and change. Eventually it would just kind of disappear. Leaving me questioning what is this pain? 

I think for me to have the practice of looking inward was profound, especially considering that I had spent so long completely ignoring all the sensations in my body. It was the simple act of what does this feel like? Where is it? Okay now the sensations have moved. What does it feel like now? Where is it? What does it feel like now? That simple exercise taught me so much.

Brian: So if you can, go back and remember what it was like when you're lying in bed and doing some deep breathing somatic practices. You are settling down your nervous system, you are becoming very present and playing with the pain. And then you realize that when you really focus on the sensations they would disappear.

So what does that mean? So what is the pain? Is the pain real? Is it not real?

Nathan: You and I talked a lot about the word pain and the meaning we put behind pain. So I started practicing just calling them sensations. And I realized how much meaning I put behind these particular sensations.

Looking back on it now I'm so grateful for those sensations. It brings tears to my eyes to remember that time. That is the state I'm trying to get back to every day, and it's wild to remember how much meaning I put behind the pain and the negative associations I put behind all that.

Brian: Would you say that the pain helped you to become very present?

Nathan: Oh yes, one hundred percent. Present in a way that I had not experienced in my adult life. The pain was like a radio station I didn't want to listen to. And once I was able to listen to it, it stopped becoming pain; it became something else. It became information, and wisdom, and so many things that changed my life.

To the point that I am grateful every day for those sensations. Even now, even when I wake up in the morning and I feel whispers of those same sensations, I think “oh there you are”. When I’m able to listen, I am grateful for the reminder.

Brian: And so the punchline really is, how grateful. Right. How I mean, I love that: once you stopped to listen to it, it stopped becoming pain and it became wisdom. I don't know if it gets any better than that.

Nathan: [Laughing] Yeah.